Happy Fathers Day Messages for ex Husband
“The one thing for which I will always respect you is that you have always been a great father to our children…. Happy Father’s Day to you.”
“We are no longer together but we will always stay together for our children…. Wishing a Happy Father’s Day to my dearest ex Husband who makes the best dad in this world.”
“I thank God for giving our children a father like you who loves them beyond conditions and is always there for them…. Happy Father’s Day.”
“On the occasion of Father’s Day, I want to thank you for being such a supportive and caring father to our kids.”
“It is not important that we are no longer a couple but it is very important that have fulfilled all your duties as a good father towards our children…. Happy Father’s Day.”
Special Happy Father's Day Messages From Ex-Wife for Ex-Husband
“On the occasion of Father’s Day, I wish that the bond of love between you and our children gets stronger and deeper with time.”
“I may not have been happy to have a husband like you but our children are certainly blessed to have a dad like you…. Happy Father’s Day!!!”
“I feel so proud seeing a loving and understanding dad in you who has always gone beyond expectations for our kids…. Warm wishes on Father’s Day.”
“It is definitely not easy being a dad but seeing you I feel that you have become one of the finest fathers…. Wishing you a very Happy Father’s Day.”
“Every child needs a father in his life to follow his footsteps and learn various things from you…. You are a wonderful dad and an amazing role model to follow.”
Truth #1
You may be happy to not have to deal with your former spouse every day, but your kids may still have regular interactions that will affect them.
As long as you were still married and still living in the same house, you were still keeping an eye on each other. If your wife did something to get the kids upset, you were there to step in and mitigate the situation. If she was letting them watch inappropriate movies or keeping them up too late or letting them go to school inappropriately dressed, you still had an influence.
Once you are divorced, your kids are on their own when they spend time with her. You have no control over whom she introduces them to–or even leaves them with. She has the right to ask her alcoholic mother or her creep of a neighbor whom she scarcely knows to baby-sit.
Truth #2
You have to be much more careful with your relationship with a former spouse than with a spouse.
Let's say that you and your former spouse split time with the kids 50-50. With the approval of a judge, a custody schedule gets put in place. Now let's say your parents are coming to town and the only time they can come is your husband's weekend. If you haven't established a good relationship with him, why should he be flexible and switch weekends so the kids can see their grandparents?
Truth #3
Your life will go better when your former spouse's life goes better.
As much as you may have fantasies about your ex-wife's life going to pieces (I used to dream about pouring sugar down my ex's gas tank), remember, that is like wishing your kids' lives will also go to pieces 50% of the time. You want your kids to be happy. You want their life to be stable.
Your former spouse having a job that fulfills her, that pays well, that has benefits–all that will make your life easier. As much as you might get some secret satisfaction seeing her inconvenienced by, say, her car breaking down, it will be your kids standing in front of the school waiting to be picked up.
And even if that is not the case, you want your kids' parent to be as relaxed and happy as possible so she will have the resources of calm and patience needed for good parenting.
Truth #4
Nothing in your relationship anymore is about you being right or wrong, about things being fair or unfair: The only metric you'll care about is whether it is good for the kids or not.
When you are still in the marriage, it is important to do whatever you can to bolster the relationship because a strong marriage supports children's development. Once you are divorced, however, the first filter through which you evaluate any decision will be the effect on the kids.
That is not easy! It can be hard to see what will be best for your kids down the road.
When my ex-husband remarried, I was torn apart that another woman would be combing out my daughter's hair, reading her a bedtime story and tucking her into bed. That was my job! How could it be good for my girl that I wasn't doing that for her?
But my daughter's stepmother has given her so much–love, advice, structure, support, a different perspective. My ex-husband has been a great father but without the back-up of his new wife, I think there would have been a lot of bumps along the way.
Truth #5
Kids are able to accept a lot of changes as long as they believe that both their parents believe the change is for the best. Your job is to make your kids believe that you support your former spouse.
As broken up as I was about my ex getting remarried, I made it my job to speak well of my daughter's stepmother and to be excited for my daughter about her part in their wedding. I did my best to never burden my daughter with my doubts and fears for her.
Instead I reassured her that her stepmom would love her and do what was best for her. From time to time things happened that were pretty different from the way I would have handled them, but I would tell my daughter, your stepmom is smart and has a lot of good ideas.
Let's give this one a chance. (I am happy to say in the greater scheme of things, everything did work out).
Truth #6
Even when the kids turn 18 and the legal custody schedule expires, you will still have to deal with your children's other parent.
My second husband used to like to say, "Just wait until high school graduation. Then we won't have to play this game anymore." Wrong. So wrong.
Once the child is free from a custody schedule, he has to decide for himself how much time to spend at mom's house and how much at dad's. What was a legal ruling becomes a question of convenience or a popularity contest. Young adults are still essentially self-centered creatures. They will gravitate to whichever house is easier.
In my daughter's case, her dad's house is easier in that it is in the town where most of her friends are. In my stepsons’ case, their mom's house is easier in that they can retreat to the basement and large screen t.v. and basically be left alone in their own man cave.
Additionally, the lack of a clear custody schedule makes it much easier for one parent to manipulate the children either with guilt or outright bribes of cars or iPhones or whatever the current hot thing to have is.
Truth #7
Even when the kids become adults and move away, you will still have to deal with your children's other parent.
• Don't you want to be at hand for your child's wedding?
• Don't you want to walk your daughter down the aisle?
• Give a toast to the happy couple?
• Be at the birth of your first grandchild?
• Attend the grandchild's first birthday?
You can see the list goes on.
The irony of your post-divorce life is that you want to have the best relationship possible with your child's other parent. You might like to wish her to Hades, but if your ex-spouse is not in the picture, there will be a gaping hole in your child's heart that you cannot fill.
In day-to-day life, your child might not miss her other parent, but when she gets that award or big promotion, a part of her will be thinking, “Look, Dad, what I did! Wouldn't you be proud of me?”
Your former spouse never has to become a good friend, but you should aim for someone you feel benign towards. You should work towards being generally interested in how he is doing and what is going on in his life. You should at least be warmly cordial.
Think how you might like your child's in-laws to treat you. You don't have to go out for drinks together, but you do have to make pleasant conversation at the 4th of July barbecue.
The bottom line here is that like diplomacy among nations, the more you are in natural opposition, the more important it is to work towards détente. Not only is it the surest way to protect your children, it will add to your own sense of security and well-being.
Elisabeth StittJoyful Parenting Coaching
248-8916
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Dear Ex-Husband,
You are the best father I know. When I fell in love with you, I knew you were the person I wanted to have a family with, build a home with, and raise children with. 9 years later, we are still raising our children together — but we are raising them in different homes.
I never imagined this for us. But the one thing I did imagine was having you parenting by my side, and that's just what we are doing. I am forever grateful for the fact that, even after we got divorced, we are following through with our goals for how we wanted to parent, and we are doing it together.
This Father's Day, I hope you appreciate how much we love you. Actually, I hope that every day, you feel the love that our children have for you. So I wanted to let you know that even though we are no longer together, I can appreciate the dad you are.
Courtesy of Margaret Jacobsen
When I look at our children's faces, I see you. I see you in their confidence. I see you in how they approach problems and find solutions. I see you in their inquisitiveness, their wit, and their love of potty humor. When we first separated, it was hard to hear and see you in everything our children said and did. But now, it no longer hurts. Instead, it makes me proud. I'm proud that you are the other parent supporting our babies as they grow up, and I'm extremely lucky that I don't have to do it alone.
Even though we are divorced, I'm constantly learning from you.
For the last two Father's Days, you've had to share this holiday with a new addition to our family: my partner. You've handled this with kindness and grace. Last Mother's Day, I didn't do the same. I was adamant that it was my holiday with my kids, not a holiday for the kids to celebrate with your partner. I'm sorry about that. I should've been more generous. See, even though we are divorced, I'm constantly learning from you. I'm learning about humility and kindness, and I'm relieved that when I forget those things, you act them out, so the kids can see it, learn from it, become it. Thank you for extending love to the people I've brought into my life and into our children's lives. Thank you for sharing holidays, birthdays, and other family traditions.
Courtesy of Margaret Jacobsen
If someone told me that 10 years after we met, that we'd one day be divorced with two kids, I would have been devastated. But even though our marriage didn't work out, our friendship was and is my favorite part of our 11-year relationship. You were my first real best friend. You showed up and continue to show up when I need help or just a shoulder to lean on. I've learned what it means to love your friends by watching you love me, in marriage and after marriage. The vows you gave me are vows you've continued to act on, despite the fact that we live in separate homes and have separate lives. You showed me that love doesn't stop, even if relationships shift and change, that love can still exist. Thank you.
Thank you for offering to take the kids on days that are mine, and not yours, just so I can nap or get work done. Thank you for always surprising them with me at school pickups. Thank you for never turning down a family dance party. Thank you for being willing to always put our children first, no matter what.
Thank you for speaking so highly of me to our children when I'm not in the room. You choose to focus on my strengths, as opposed to my flaws. It's so cute when the kids come back to my house and tell me stories you've told them about me: when we dated, when we were first married. Thank you for laying a beautiful foundation of love and respect, so when our children look at us, that's what they see.
Courtesy of Margaret Jacobsen
I knew you were going to be a magical father before we even knew we were going to have kids. But one of my favorite memories of you is lying on the bed with you while I was pregnant, and you singing different Beatles songs to my belly. I just remember thinking, "Yes, this is the person I will raise brilliant children with." It gives me chills when the kids put on their own Beatles records and dance around singing the same songs you used to sing to them before they were born.
Thank you for offering to take the kids on days that are mine, and not yours, just so I can nap or get work done. Thank you for always surprising them with me at school pickups. Thank you for never turning down a family dance party. Thank you for being willing to always put our children first, no matter what.
We are lucky to know you, to have you in our family. I'm so excited to celebrate you this weekend, and hopefully I will remember to celebrate you more than once a year. Because you deserve it.