Specifically, I wish someone would put me to bed the way I put my kids to bed.
I wish that, about two hours before my bedtime, someone would cook me a hot dinner that included vegetables smothered in cheese sauce, and call me in to eat it just as it hit optimal mowing-down temperature. I wish someone would know which was my favorite cup and set it down, brimming with my favorite, crushed ice and a splash of water for form.
I wish someone would be pleased to watch me eat. I wish I could make someone’s night by asking for more lasagna.
I wish that I could take my dishes to the sink when I was done. I wish someone would thank me for doing my chore. I wish I could get a high-five for carrying a dish three feet.
I wish someone would draw me a hot bath or turn on the shower while I selected my favorite book from the shelf. I wish I could dip my toes into the water or dance my fingers under the spray, find the temperature just right, and then step in.
I wish someone would stand outside the tub, holding open an enormous, me-sized towel. I wish they’d wrap me up from my shoulders to my toes. I wish they’d smell my hair, say, "Mmmmm…" and pronounce me "amazing."
I wish I could go to my dresser and pull open my pajama drawer and find 14 sets of pajamas with all my favorite characters on them: a classic long-sleeved set with the Cast of Brooklyn 99, an Anchorman onesie, an organic cotton sleep dress adorned with Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s collar. I wish someone who loved me and paid attention to what I love would pick these things for me, just because they noticed I liked them, because they thought it would make me smile. I wish they’d wash them while I was playing on the swings, and fold them while I read my favorite chapter book in the afternoon sunlight, and I wish they’d slipped them into my drawer while I stood in the shower and wondered what I’d like to be when I grow up, other than loved like this forever, obviously.
I wish I could crawl into a bed that was 14 times my size and listen to someone I love read a story I picked. I wish I had the urge to do ninja moves in that enormous bed. I wish I had enough juice to bounce and tumble into the pillows with a "hiya" at bedtime. As it is, I have exactly 4 drops of juice left and I need them to drag my ass to the bathroom and brush my teeth, which is a fucking victory, every night.
I wish I had a cup of fresh water on my bedside table that I didn’t fill, or load into the dishwasher, or put back in its cupboard. I wish that someone would thank me for thanking them. I wish I expected this nightly.
I wish that when the story was over, someone would turn on my favorite white noise (it’s thunderstorms, btw) and leave me tucked into the enormous bed with a stack of books and a soft lamp aglow.
I wish I could fall asleep every night like this: clothed in love and intention, soothed to fucking sleep with tender, surgical precision.
Parents, it’s easy to think that the things we do every day and night are not important, because they become a habit for all of us, remarkable only when they go seriously and catastrophically off the rails. Our daily work becomes a routine, and what we call routine can often feel insignificant. I think that the way we love our kids to sleep every night is significant. And the reason I think that is when I imagine someone putting ME to sleep as if I were a child, I can only imagine someone who loves me all day, every day, with their full heart and full attention, putting me to sleep like this, in my favorite pajamas that I didn’t ask them to buy. I don’t think any of us ever grow out of the desire to know that someone loves us enough to meet our needs without us having to ask.
I think I’m going to start a spa retreat where people will put you to bed like you’re their beloved child. I think we’ll keep lots of Kleenex and Scotch on the bedside tables because that shit will dredge up some childhood business that only tears and hard liquor can work out.
Don’t worry.
I’ll make sure you have your favorite cup, love.
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lyrics
So here we go again
It always ends the same way
You say you love me but
it doesn't feel that way
And I spend everyday wishing you loved me
I spend everyday wishing you cared
I spend everyday wishing you loved me
Yeah I wish you cared
But I know you, and I know you won't change
Yeah I know you, and I know you won't change
Wish you cared, oh I wish you cared
oh I wish you loved me
Oh I wish you cared, oh I wish you cared
yeah I wish you loved me
We are always falling apart
and you don't notice my aching heart
no you don't notice my aching heart
and it aches for you
And I wish you loved me
Yeah wish you cared
Yeah I wish you loved me
Yeah I wish you cared
But I know you, and I know you won't change
I know you, and I know you won't change
I wish you loved me, oh I wish you loved me
Oh I wish you loved me
Oh I wish you cared
oh I wish you cared
Yeah I wish you loved me
Oh I wish you cared, oh I wish you cared
yeah I wish you loved me
Oh I wish you cared, yeah I wish you cared
yeah I wish you loved me
credits
(c) E Forman
I wish that I had somebody to call when I am not okay
I wish that I had anyone who cared when I am in that place
I wish I could have a mental breakdown
Without turning my life into a ghost town
So many things I would change
But more than anything
I wish somebody loved me
As much as I hate myself
I wish somebody listened
As much as I go through hell
For every time I've thought of ending it all
Wish somebody had felt what I felt
I wish somebody loved me
As much as I hate myself
I wish there was a person that would miss me when I can't leave bed
I wish I wasn't stuck sharing my secrets with these made up friends
I wish I could be honest about the ugly
Without every single person running from me
These days it's hard to have faith
And more than anything
I wish somebody loved me
As much as I hate myself
I wish somebody listened
As much as I go through hell
For every time I've thought of ending it all
Wish somebody had felt what I felt
I wish somebody loved me
As much as I hate myself
The floods I feel
This storm could kill
I'm better off to keep it damned
'Cause the more I speak
The more I see
Just how alone I really am
I wish somebody loved me
As much as I hate myself
I wish somebody listened
As much as I go through hell
For every time I've thought of ending it all
Wish somebody had felt what I felt
I wish somebody loved me
As much as I hate myself
I wish I was loved the way I love others. I wish I was obsessed over the way I obsess over others. I wish I was infatuated with the way I am infatuated with others. I wish I was placed on a pedestal the way I place others on a pedestal.
I so deeply want a romantic love that changes the pivot of my life. It feels impossible. Relationships seem so easy for others to get into while I can’t even get into a talking stage with a guy. I wish I didn’t have unhealthy attachments to men..but I do. The role men play in my life is a sensitive topic for me. It seems like every man in my life has disappointed me so when a guy is the slightest bit of nice to me..boom, I fall in love.
I WISH SHE LOVED ME (T. Turtle)
IN THE NIGHT WHEN SHADOWS STEAL
MY SOUL IS GONE
I FEEL THE CHILL
ME AND MY GUITAR
WILL KEEP ON MAKING LOVE
LATER I’LL PAY THE BILL
I’M JUST A ROCKER WITHOUT A PLAN
AND TENDERNESS IS HARD TO UNDERSTAND
TIME IS FLEECING
I AM ALONE
I CAN COUNT TWO WISHES ON MY HAND:
I WISH SHE LOVED ME
AND I COULD MAKE IT TO HEAVEN
I WISH SHE LOVED ME
I WISH FOR A LOT OF THINGS
WISH I WERE YOUNGER
I HAD MORE BRAINS
WISH I COULD HOLD HER EVERY RAINY NIGHT
BUT I’LL NEVER BE THE LUCKY MAN
I’M JUST A ROCKER WITHOUT A PLAN
AND TENDERNESS IS HARD TO UNDERSTAND
TIME IS FLEECING
I AM ALONE
BUT I CAN COUNT TWO WISHES ON MY HAND:
I WISH SHE LOVED ME
AND I COULD MAKE IT TO HEAVEN
I WISH SHE LOVED ME
Archived
I just wish someone would love me
I feel like no one loves me and I just want someone who can be there for me... Someone who understands.
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level 1
It's funny because I've been in a relationship with the same person for over 4 years since high school, and I'm in the same boat you are. Can't talk to her, can't talk to my family, don't have any friends.
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level 2
Hell I'm a junior in high school... I've never been in a relationship... I've never even kissed someone for fucks sake. I feel like even my parents don't really love me... I feel more socially introverted and awkward than ever... Partially because everyone already has their little circle of friends and has for years. Everyone I see seems to have so many people who love them. Why can't just one person love me? I don't think I'm that bad of a guy... But then again who cares I'm just that guy that no one ever bothers to notice. I'm just Dane. Who cares about Dane? Who does care about me?? Fuck.
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level 1
I know the feeling. I thought I had someone that really loved me for who I was...lasted 1.5 years until she broke up with me last week. It was my own fault, I was so clingy she felt responsible for me. God it sucks though.
The feeling of being loved, having someone value you for who you are...it's really the greatest feeling in the world. I forgot what it felt like to not have it and now it's gone. And I've realized that as a person, I'm impossible to love. I ruin every meaningful relationship I have. I wish someone would love me and not leave me or be mean to me or anything
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level 2
How did you find them? I need to know how... I have no idea
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level 1
I'm a sophomore in high school. I'm severely depressed, struggling in school and working 5 days a week. I'm too much of a nervous wreck to talk to my boss about my hours, he's an asshole. My family isn't close, I only have my mom, and she turned on me for her boyfriend and I'm never involved with what they do. They just leave me. For example... recently they went across the country to visit California for two weeks, without me. I'm so down in the dumps. I need help.
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level 2
Do you need that job to eat ? if not then i don't think working for an arsehole like your boss will make you feel any better .
i know the feelings of how one/both of your parents can turn on you in an instance believe me i do it is so hard to see how others have these loving parents who care about them and treat them while yours are just there for the show (like a bloody picture or a painting )
is your mother's boyfriend an arse as well if so i'd avoid him , and your mom herself doesn't sound like she deserves an amazing child like yourself , you should have a serious talk with her about the future of your relationship.
i am not really good at english since it is not my first language and i am worse at giving advice . if my advice sound bad or uncomfortable to you then by all means please ignore it 🙂 .
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level 1
Trying to offer encouragement to you has forced a deep insight I'd like to share.
Either love is conditional - meaning you have to do or be something to receive it - or love is unconditional - meaning you receive it regardless of who or what you do.
If love is conditional, I don't want it because they're just loving me to get something out of it. It's about them, it's selfish. If I cease to serve their purpose, they move on.
If love is unconditional, I don't want it because it's not meaningful. I didn't work for it or earn it, so it has nothing to do with me.
So either way, I resent being loved. Yet it's all I want.
All of this makes me wonder if I even understand what I am seeking, and whether anyone can supply it. There are definitely people who have a good "vibration" about them; being around them makes me feel good, like laying in the warm sun. I just soak up their presence and it makes me feel something. Love? I don't know. Seeking out those good vibes is maybe what life is about. So, not that different than finding the next high. Is that a way to live though? And when the high goes away, returning to normal bums me out.
The other way to live is to be present. Instead of seeking out something, just be present to enjoy the show in this moment. When I change my mindset from ambition to service - from receiving to giving - it creates really positive effects. If I focus on giving my love to others, if I focus on being of service, it makes me feel good. It makes me feel like I have a purpose in life, that I matter, that I make a difference. I don't need anything back from the people, I just do it because my purpose in life is to create beautiful things. And when I go to bed at night, I fall asleep knowing that I created something beautiful.
And that, my friend, is self-love. That's what was missing all along.
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