Today Is My Mom’s Birthday In Heaven

Hi Little Man,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! It doesn't fully process that you'd be 11 today. I close my eyes and I can picture your sweet round face, and your beautiful eyes. I can hear the sounds of your first words. I can't imagine what you'd be like at 11. You'd be in 5th grade. I think you'd be tall and tough. I know you'd love mommy time still because you were such a little cuddler. I'm sure at 11 it would be something that was our secret because you'd be a mini man by now! You'd have lots of friends because I'm sure you'd be just as outgoing and kind as your big sister. Would you be interested in sports... video games... music? As each year passes I think you'll always be my little baby boy; my angel.

10 years ago I was getting nervous because your 2nd birthday was quickly approaching. I didn't know how a mom was supposed to spend the day that was supposed to be her son's birthday. Was I supposed to just let it pass like an ordinary day? No way! I wanted to celebrate you still. The typical birthday seemed like it was going to be too emotional to handle. I didn't want to get you a cake because I would be too sad that you couldn't blow our your candles. I didn't want to get you gifts because then I'd cry when you couldn't open them. After talking with a friend she shared with me what she does on her sister's birthday... her sister passed too. She told me about the balloons. I knew that was it. That's what we were going to much... <3do for you. Ever since then we have sent you balloons every year on your birthday. Some years have been harder than others. Some years it's just us, and some years friends and family have joined us. Every year is

special though.Today I bought you orange, blue and green balloons. Kenzy, Liam and I each wrote you. I sat there watching your brother and sister write to you and I smiled thinking about all the other years. I love waiting to see what they write to you. Liam has done it since he was a baby. It started his first year with just his hand print, then the next year some doodles to eventually his first words and this year he wrote you a little message all on his own. He LOVES you so much. He looks to you as his
guardian angel.Kenzy being days away from 13 filled your balloon with things I didn't even understand. Ha. She drew silly pictures, wrote silly words, hashtags, told you a secret...(that she has a boyfriend. Even though you're younger I'm certain you'd be pretty protective over her!) and she wrote you a sweet simple message. I felt like it was just the thing a 12 year old sister would write on her 11 year old brother's card. It is clear to me just how much your

siblings love you!After I wrote you we got in our car and we drove to one of my favorite spots. One year when we released your balloons they got stuck in a tree! That wasn't very fun. So we always want to pick our spots carefully. We went to Stone Bridge, the location of the first major land battle of the Civil War. Neat, right? 😉 Our family likes to go for walks there. It's just a beautiful place and it was the perfect spot to release your balloons. We each let them go one at a time, saying a little something for you. I gave my balloon a kiss and sent it on it's way up to you. It is always a special moment. I feel connected to you. I imagine you up there above me, smiling down, waiting for your balloons. You are such a special Little Man and I love you to the stars and

back.This year you're lucky because you have your dad with you. I hope that you're both together and that you continue to be proud of us and your legacy. I miss you, Meatball. I know you already know that. I wish there was some way to hold you again. Give you a big birthday hug and celebrate with you. I hope that this next year is just as special as the last for you. I am looking forward to working more on Zachary's Way at the Mission and visiting it as many times as we can. You're always with

us.Until I see

Love Mommy

you again,When Zachary's 2nd birthday came around I didn't know how to deal with it. It's supposed to be a day that mothers celebrate the life of their child, but Zachary wasn't with me to celebrate. He had already been gone for 10 months and the days weren't getting any easier. A friend at the time shared with me something that she and her family do for her sister who has passed; they release balloons. I had never heard of doing that, but it sounded simple and perfect. For the past 10 years this has become Zachary's birthday tradition and how we

celebrate his life.It's always been a quiet day. Most years it's just been me, Bill and the kids. That's okay with me. It's an emotional day and I can't handle too much. But ironically what also made me sad, was that's all it was. The world kept revolving. People kept living. Cards didn't arrive in the mail for Zachary, gifts weren't talked about, parties weren't planned and cakes weren't made. It was quiet. That's not how a birthday is

supposed to be.As the years have passed I've noticed more and more people outside of my family thinking of Zachary on his

birthday. This year. Amazing.

View fullsizeCards from my

class.Zachary's 12th birthday celebration started a day early in the most unexpected place... my classroom. This year I'm teaching 6th grade to an amazing group of kiddos. What's even more special is that Zachary would also have been in 6th grade. I see my students and I wonder about my son. I have always been vocal about Zachary's story, except with my class. His story is blindly out there. I know many people know, and I'm 100% okay with that. However, in my classroom I gingerly mention that I have a son who's passed away or I talk about Zachary's Law, at a very watered down level, when I'm teaching about the Legislative Branch. I glaze over it because if I'm asked about how he passed away I don't know how to respond. It's such a big topic that I have always felt it best to be talked about at home with my student's parents if

they wish.Just one of the many heartfelt

messages.Thursday morning I was standing at my desk when the first few students entered my room. I said good morning and they responded the same. Then one by one they started coming over to me and handing me a card without saying anything. I wondered what it was and then I read the first one, a card for me for Zachary's birthday. I thought it was really thoughtful. I had mentioned the day before that I was going to be out Friday, because it was his birthday. I figured a few of them made me a card because I mentioned it. But then as more and more students entered my room, they also came to my desk and laid down card after card. I started to realize that this was something else. This was organized. The words in the cards were from the heart. They were personal. The images the kiddos drew were of balloons, blue ribbons, and the word Meatball. The tears started to flow and it became hard to read their words. Not only was I receiving the most amazing cards, but $12 donations started to fall out of them for Marley's Mission in honor of his 12th birthday! I assured the class that although I was crying, they were tears of joy. I was so touched that they all came together to make Zachary's birthday special. I found out that one of my wonderful room moms put this all together. I cannot thank her enough. The sentiment and the words in those cards will

be cherished forever.After processing the day I had on Thursday, I was ready to set everything aside and have a nice day for Zachary. I was feeling emotional but loved and supported. From the moment I woke up, the love and support continued to flow. There were texts, messages, voice mails, posts, changed profile pictures, kind words and support that didn't cease the ENTIRE day. What a contrast to what his birthday was like so many years ago. Kenzy made me breakfast in bed and I sat down and shared with her all the wonderful things I had woken

up to.A little later on my phone buzzed again. There were pictures posted from my family at Marley's Mission. They got together and showed their love for my angel. Zachary's Way was decorated with special balloons. They all sent him messages too. My heart was

exploding.THEN my mom, dad and a few of their friends did the same thing! They got balloons, wrote messages on them and released them for him too. It was sinking in that Zachary's birthday was not just a celebration between the four of us, countless people were celebrating him with

me.We started to get ready to do the balloons. My longtime friend, Colleen, picked up the balloons for me and some beautiful flowers. I was ready to put some words down. As I was writing on Zachary's balloon the doorbell rang. It was another sweet surprise. My wonderful neighbors sent me a beautiful edible arrangement for Zachary's birthday. Along with it was the kindest

message.It was my turn. We finished up our messages and then took a drive over to our local park. It's somewhere my family likes to take walks. Liam went first. He released Zachary's balloon and said a few words to him. Then Kenzy went and did the same thing, as did I. The three of us released the last three together. The kids gave me the biggest hug and then we talked for a little bit. Kenzy shared with me that she got emotional thinking about the amount of people who were also thinking of Zachary and the physicist would his birthday with us today. She said it's not just the four of us. Liam added that step down from the pulpit and walk to your brokenhearted spouse there in the pew and tell him that all the photons that ever bounced off your face, all the particles whose paths were interrupted by your smile, by the touch of your hair, hundreds of trillions of particles, have raced off like children, their ways forever changed by you. And as your widow rocks in the arms of a loving family, may the physicist let her know that all the photons that bounced from you were gathered in the particle detectors that are her eyes, that those photons created within her constellations of electromagnetically charged neurons whose energy will go on forever.And the physicist

will remind the congregation of how much of all our energy is given off as heat. There may be a few fanning themselves with their programs as he says it. And he will tell them that the warmth that flowed through you

in life is

still here, still part of

all that we

are, even as we who mourn continue

the heat of

Today is my mom’s birthday. And it’s extra hard because this is the first birthday without her, since she passed away a month ago.

physicist to explain to those who loved you that they need not have faith; indeed, they should not have faith. Let them know that they can measure, that scientists have measured precisely the conservation of energy and found it accurate, verifiable and consistent across space and time. You can hope your family will examine the evidence

and satisfy themselves that the science is sound and that they'll be comforted to know your that I love the most in my life, left me. Especially my mom. I don’t dream about her anymore. I don’t see her talking to me anymore. And I think that’s when she’s gone to heaven. And that makes me sad. Who here also experienced the same thing?

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he's always going helping us celebrate

to do this. He said when

he's a dad, his family is

going to always take March 4th off together and they are also going to release balloons for his brother. He said it with tears in his eyes. Liam has never met him, but it is evident that he

not only LOVES his brother, but he MISSES him. As the mother of these three beautiful children, it was a great moment. We are not perfect. There's punishments and times of bickering in my house. We have moments we wish could be redone. But it all boils down to a family that is close. We value the relationships we have and I hope it only grows

stronger each year. I think we can thank Zachary for that.I sincerely hope that each and every one of you know how much you touch my life. From the tears you shed, words you say and gifts you've given with love, I felt carried through his birthday. I know that nobody is going to let me fall.Happy Birthday Meatball. I love you!View fullsizeFound the internet!

Posted by1 year agoArchived And I don’t know what to do.My mom passed away month ago. And today’s the first day that our family and I have to celebrate without her. I never thought the last time I’ll ever hear her voice again or see her again was when she passed away

in my arms. People say it gets easier with time. But it’s not the easiest for me.From losing my

ex-boyfriend to a

break up, and losing my

mom to that to the afterlife. The two people

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Those birthdays and holidays may feel like a punch in the gut for a while. It's ok to grieve at your own pace.

The hurt is still there, but it is less frequent with time.

This thread is archivedSort by: bestlevel 1 I'm so sorry for your loss. When people say it gets easier with time they mean years, not months. I lost my

father nine years ago and I still cry over what I've lost and what my little sister has lost.His first brithday after he passed

I got a

tattoo in memory

of him. I love tattoos and have a few, so that was a good way for me to try to cope with the loss. A few friends of his took a motorcycle ride in his honor and some placed flowers on his grave.I think if I could give my past self some advice it would be to do what feels right and know that your emotions will be all over the place. Sometimes you will cry. Maybe you see something funny and you will laugh. And you will feel horrible for laughing 'cos how can you laugh when your parent is not around anymore? But that is

ok.

I know dealing

with the loss of a parent is huge. And it will take time. But you will feel better if you take care of yourself and let yourself grief. For your mom's birthday why not do something she used to enjoy? Something that can make you feel closer to her. Maybe watch a movie, or go for a walk (if covid restrictions allows for it).It is also ok if you don't feel like doing anything right now.ReportSavelevel 2Thank you so

People say it gets easier with time and like others have said, I think that must refer to years, because so far it’s only gotten harder. I think that’s normal. Lean on your support systems a lot. Don’t be afraid to really feel your feelings, because that’s how you heal (according to my therapist at least). And happy celestial And you may feel fine for

a long time, and then years

later something reminds

you of a lost loved one and you find yourself crying anew. It is ok and entirely normal.In time you will date again and find someone special. He will understand. He may have

already experienced a

significant loss like

this himself. It is part of being human.ReportSavelevel 1Oh hun, I'm sorry. I lost both of my parents and the firsts are always so damned hard. For the first few years I took their birthdays off, and just either do something that they would have enjoyed or to just be alone so I'd not have to explain anything. It's only been

a month, you are not

ok and that's ok. I promise it

will get a

little easier to

deal but it does take time. Take her birthday to celebrate her

in your own way and don't be so

hard on yourself, you're still grieving

and it's understandable. My folks have

been gone for over 10 years and sometimes it's like yesterday

and other times I'm ok. Internet hugs, sweetie. I'm sorry for your loss.ReportSavelevel 1Wow, did I write this? I lost my mom to cancer

a month ago

and her birthday was this past week. I visited my dad and we cooked the food they had at their rehearsal dinner 35 years ago, ate her favorite dessert, and listened to her favorite music (and cried, a lot). It was REALLY hard. I had already booked my trip for her birthday a few months ago with the intention of celebrating with her, unfortunately she just didn’t make it that long.heat, every wave of every particle that was her beloved child remains with her in this world. You want the physicist to tell your weeping father that amid energies of the cosmos, you gave as good as you got.

And at one point you'd hope that birthday to your mom!ReportSavelevel 1Do something to honor her memory and go easy ok yourself. Remember the good times but know it's ok to break down in the grief when it comes.ReportSavelevel 1My Mom passed 11 years ago and not a day goes by i don't want to pick up the phone and call her. When people say it gets easier they mean you will be able to function in your day to day life. You never get over the loss. Allow yourself to grieve but still live your life. I'm so sorry for your loss.

ReportSavelevel 1ReportSavelevel 2My mom passed Christmas Eve 2022. It’s never been the same.Hugs to you and OP! 💕ReportSavelevel 1I am really sorry for your loss.I would like to share with you something that I found once on Reddit and I feel that might help you

:-The Physicist's eulogyYou want a physicist to speak at your funeral. You want the physicist to talk to your grieving family about the conservation of energy, so they will understand that your energy has not died. You want the physicist to remind your sobbing mother about the first law of thermodynamics; that no energy gets created in the universe, and none is destroyed. You want your mother to know that all your energy, every vibration, every Btu of energy's still around. According to the law of the conservation of energy, not a bit of you is gone; you're just less orderly. Amen.

-Aaron Freeman.

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