Rule
THE BOSS IS ALWAYS RIGHT
WHEN THE BOSS IS WRONG
REFER TO RULE #1
"THE TIME IS ALWAYS RIGHT TO DO WHAT IS
RIGHT. "
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- PETER T. MCINTYRE
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WHEN BEING RIGHT IS WRONG
(or IRRELEVANT)
By Michael Josephson
I've come to realize how many times I (and Others) have
caused strife and sometimes done serious relationship
damage with no benefit whatever in an effort to "be right."
I've discovered three stages of rightosis: I) certainty that I am
right about something or Someone, 2) a desire to be sure
others know I am (or was) right, and 3) a desire to have
another person not only acknowledge I was right, but that
they were wrong. Reasons #2 and 3 are pretty pathetic signs
of egotism, but what about #1? Well even if I could be silently
really am right), it's rare that it really matters to anyone but
me whether I'm right or not.
A woman is always right.
sometimes they get
confused, misinformed,
rude, stubborn,
unchangeable and
senseless, but they're
never wrong!
"What is light
is not always popular
and what is popular
is not always light.
Albert Einstein
-tblslittleqĂŠtes
"Confidence
comes not from
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-Peter T. McIntyre
serubsmag com
CONFIDENCE COMES NOT FROM
ALWAYS BEING RIGHT
-Peter T. Mcintyre
BUT FROM NOT FEARING TO BE WRONG
Rule l: The customer is
always right.
Rule 2: If the customer is
ever wrong, re-read Rule l.
Stew Leonard
CEO, Stew Leonard's
Rule #1
THE BOSS IS ALWAYS RIGHT
WHEN THE BOSS IS WRONG
REFER TO RULE #1
"THE FUHRER IS ALWAYS RIGHT. EVERY LAST
CITIZEN MUST SAY THIS."
Lifehack Quotes
"Confidence
comes not from
always being
right, but from
not fearing to
be wrong."
-Peter T. McIntyre
SOubsmag com
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Itâs not fear that gets in the way of daring leadership; itâs armor. When things get tough, do we lean in to vulnerability and get curious, or do we self-protect in ways that move us away from our values?
Having to be the âknowerâ or always being right is heavy armor. Itâs defensiveness, itâs posturing, and, worst of all, itâs a huge driver of bullshit. Itâs also very commonâmost of us have some degree of knower in us. Unfortunately, needing to know everything is pretty miserable for the knowers and everyone around them. It leads to distrust, bad decisions, and unnecessary, unproductive conflict.
It sounds pretty easy to replace the armor of knowing with becoming a curious learner, but for many people the need to be a knower is driven by shame and, for some, even trauma. Being the knower can save people in hard situations, and itâs easy to buy into the belief that being a knower is the only value we bring to relationships and work.
Knowing can also become a culture problem when only some people are valued as knowers. Others donât speak up because theyâre not âsenior enoughâ or itâs ânot their place.â In our study on daring leadership, one leader shared that he had been with his new company for six months and had never contributed in a meeting. He was brought in because of his twenty-plus years of experience, yet he was expected to be quiet in the meetings because of cultural norms that valued only the contributions of tenured leaders.
There are three strategies that Iâve seen work to transform always knowing into always learning.
1. Name the issue. Itâs a tough conversation, but clear is kind: Iâd like for you to work on your curiosity and critical thinking skills. Youâre often quick with answers, which can be helpful, but not as helpful as having the right questions, which is how youâll grow as a leader. We can work together on this.
Knowers often have a lot of people talking behind their backs, and thatâs unkind.
2. Make learning âcuriosity skillsâ a priority. Some people may be perceived as naturally curious, and others need to be taught how to be more curious. Donât assume people arenât curious because they donât care. They may not know how to be curious.
3. Acknowledge and reward great questions and instances of âI donât know, but Iâd like to find outâ as daring leadership behaviors. The big shift here is from wanting to âbe rightâ to wanting to âget it right.â
We define grounded confidence as curiosity + the willingness to rumble with vulnerability + practice. While armor is our greatest barrier to being brave, grounded confidence is the heart of daring leadership.
Adapted from Dare to Lead: Brave Work, Tough Conversations, Whole Hearts
A little while ago I was part of a conversation that turned into a confrontation between the two other individuals.
It wasn't just any two other people â it was a coworker and our boss.
What started as a friendly, general discussion of how the shift went quickly turned into an honest conversation about what we liked, what we thought we could improve on, and what we found irritating. And while that in and of itself is great â and often productive â this one took an interesting turn.
âThe thing I hate about an argument is that it always interrupts a discussion.â
Without going into too much detail (for the sake of their privacy) I'll just say that the coworker expressed their dislike for the occasional âmicromanagingâ being done and then the boss expressed her dislike for the coworker's method of speaking to her.
It's interesting to see how people respond in situations like this. Some will realize they've gotten themselves into hot water and begin backpedaling to safer ground. Some will dive right in and argue till they feel they've âwon'. Others will simply apologize for any offense and end the conversation.
Each individual will inevitably have their own instinctual ways of handling confrontational situations. If you're bull-headed you'll stand your ground and argue your point. If you're passive, you'll backpedal or apologize and walk away.
For example, I've been known to be pretty strong-willed and stubborn. If I thought I was right, I'd stand my ground. If I thought someone was treating me unfairly I would absolutely give them a piece of my mind.
But somewhere along the way to thirty years old, I learned something.
Sometimes being right is not as important as maintaining the relationship.
I'm going to say that again in more detail because I know for a fact that there are people out there who do not yet have a firm grasp on this concept.
Sometimes your feeling of being right and/or proving your point does not matter as much as the integrity of the relationship with the person whom you feel is wrong.
Don't get me wrong â I absolutely think that âhashing it out' can be a great way to really figure out the problem and work towards a compromise. I also think that the severity of the disagreement as well as the feelings involved matter a great deal, too.
But in the situation I witnessed, I couldn't understand why the employee thought it was a good idea to argue their point, even after being gently reminded that he was not really in a position to do so. The boss was polite but grew increasingly firm and expressed her dislike for being disrespected.
(And all the while I was trying to figure out how to quietly leave the situation â it was super awkward.)
The point is, the employee was so concerned with being heard and expressing their opinion that he stopped caring about the relationship. He totally disregarded the fact that the person on the other side of the argument was the person who made his schedule and signed his paychecks.
Why do you think that is? Was it because he's younger and just didn't have as much experience with handling confrontation? Was it because he didn't understand the possible consequences of his actions (I mean, the boss easily could have decided he was too disrespectful and hard to work with)?
Who knows.
All I know is that in that moment I wanted to shake him and tell him that expressing his point and defending himself was not as important as he thought it was.
Anyways, I eventually got out of there, politely and discreetly, so I have no idea how the altercation ended. Except that the employee still has a job.
Awkward as it was to witness, I'm glad I was able to take something away from that. Now I know that the employee is super stubborn and may be hard to talk to if/when I need to discuss something with them. I also know that the boss is a firm, fair person who is going to stand her ground when she feels disrespected â but honestly, I would think most bosses are like that.
And I also realized that I'm grateful for the reaffirmation of this life lesson. I can only hope that the next time I find myself in a disagreement with anyone whom I love or respect that I remember my own advice: being right is not as important as maintaining the relationship.
I hope you all remember that too.
âThere is a way of being wrong which is also sometimes necessarily right.â
You canât be right and married at the same time. If youâre trying to be right and prove your partner wrong, youâve stepped outside the marriage.
This quote has a corollary in Dr. Phil's often declared statement, âDo you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?â This need to be right is at the heart of most marital arguments and is the foundation for the ubiquitous irreconcilable differences.
Needing to be right, by definition, means your partner must be wrong. You create a climate of you vs. me, as opposed to âusâ against the world. It becomes a competition instead of a collaboration. It creates fertile ground for resentment to grow because no one wants to feel they are âwrongâ all the time. A hostile cycle of score keeping and retaliation is set in motion that is detrimental to a happy relationship.
A fundamental flaw in this approach is that you both actually might be âright.â Most arguments aren't about the facts, but about how each of you interprets those facts. A thermometer may measure the temperature at 68 degrees. The disagreement is about whether or not that is cold. The same is true about what's messy, needy, silly, financially sound, etc.
A colleague, Dr. Terrence Real, says any fool can walk away from an argument when they know they are wrong. It takes a whole lot more to be able to stop arguing when you factually may be right. However, that is the key to having a successful relationship. You value your commitment to the relationship more than the need to prove the ârightnessâ of your position. The more you are able to do this, the happier your marriage will be.
Fearless Marriage Activites to Keep Your Love Alive:
Day One: Identify a repetitive argument you and your partner have. Examine the facts.
Day Two: Listen to your spouse's position. If it fits the facts, accept it.
Day Three: Analyze what's behind your need to be ârightâ for why it matters.
Day Four:
Day Five: Agree to disagree with your spouse instead of justifying or defending your viewpoint.
Day Six: Examine your expectations and find where you and your partner agree.
Day Seven: Act on what's ârightâ for your marriage instead of what's right for you.
What does the quote when given the choice between being right or being kind choose kind?
Dr. Wayne Dyer famously wrote, "When given the choice between being right and being kindchoose kind." We all struggle with the insecurities of our egos, with the insecurity of being wrong. And a threatened ego will almost always lash out.
Also know, what does the precept when given the choice between being right or being kind choose kind mean?
When given the choice between being right, or being kindchoose kind. it means to me that you should be nice rather than correct someone in a bad way. Example: that I am correct but I don't make a big deal about that since I know that some other might not have been correct
Furthermore, what is more important being right or being kind? Scott Fitzgerald quote comes into play - being kind and listening to people are often more important than constantly seeking to be right and prove others wrong.
Also Know, when given the choice between being right or being kind choose kind example?
The precept is: âWhen given the choice from being right and being kindCHOOSE KIND.â This precept means you have to be kind. I have an example: Let's say you do good in a test. You see your friend over there and he didn't do that great.
When you have the chance to be right or be kind?
âIf you have the choice between being right and being kind, choose being kindâ (Dr. Wayne W. Dyer) Every once in a while, there is a book that stands out, that makes you feel better or makes you think deeper.
30 Related Question Answers Found
Terms in this set September precept is When given the choice between being right or being kind, choose kind. -This quote means to me that you don't always have to be right in life. You just need to be kind and respectful to yourself and to others.
Quote by Anne Lamott: âIt's better to be kind than to be right.â
August hates the way he eats because of the way he looks when he eats. When he was little he had a cleft palate, so he had a surgery to fix it but he still has a whole in his mouth.
Inspired by R.J Palacio's story WONDER, the Choose Kind Movement hopes to spread the message of positive social change by encouraging people to practice acts of kindness. The Challenge will motivate students to routinely show kindness, acceptance and respect for their peers.
It is important to be kind because it makes you feel good about yourself. Doing things for other people helping them with maths or homework or anything it just makes you feel warm that you accomplished something. Kindness is a give and get thing a bit like respect. If you want respect you must give respect.
August "Auggie" Pullman is the main protagonist in Wonder. He was born with a facial deformity, a combination of Treacher Collins syndrome and a hemifacial microsomia, which prevented him from going to a mainstream school up until the fifth grade when he enrolled at Beecher Prep.
In Wonder, Auggie's teacher Mr. Browne presents a monthly precept, which is âanything that helps guide us when making decisions about really important things.â Choose one of the precepts below and write an essay about what it means to you.
To me the precept âYour Deeds are your Monumentsâ means that what you do is what you will be remembered for. You leave behind a deed instead of a statue .Doing a deed leaves something behind with someone, and every time you do one you leave your mark.
âWhen given the choice between being right or being kind, choose kind. - Dr Wayne W. Dyerâ
Kindness Quotes Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love. No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. Aesop. Inspirational Matter Small Wasted. You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late. You Never Will Late Know.
Right Equals Safe Being right means physical and social survival. It also means emotional survival. It gets tied up with that most important emotional need: self-esteem. If we're right we get to feel good about ourselves.
When it comes to behavior, being right is quite important. Actions have consequences, and being wrong will necessarily lead to harm to self or others. Actions have consequences, and being wrong will necessarily lead to harm to self or others. Therefore it is of great importance to always act the right way.
You can be respected as someone who is always on time if being on time is important to you. Being on time will help you to cut down on stress (after all, few things are as stressful as always running late). Being on time will reduce friction with your co-workers; nobody likes to be kept waiting.