These funny sarcastic quotes should help you spend a few minutes laughing out loud.
There’s no denying that laughter is the best medicine. What’s better than a big beautiful smile?
Life can be downright stressful. There are relationships to maintain, bills to pay, a job that demands your attention, and other crises both big and small that can pop up at any time.
It’s easy to get burnt out after you’ve had a day full of drama.
While sarcasm humor tends to have a slightly meaner tone to it, it can be just the thing you need when you’ve spent the whole day biting your tongue and keeping yourself in check.
Feel free to indulge as you let yourself relax.
Funny sarcastic quotes about relationships
2. "True bonding is when you and your friends are all angry about the same thing." – Unknown
3. "At every party, there are two kinds of people – those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other." – Ann Landers
4. "You never realize how truly sarcastic you are until you have a mini-me who acts the same way." – Unknown
5. "My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues." – Unknown
6. "People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day." – A. A. Milne
7. "There's no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn't tell you about it?" - Kin Hubbard
9. "Honesty may be the best policy, but insanity is the best defense." –Unknown
10. "An apple a day keeps anything away if you throw it hard enough." –Unknown
Funny sarcastic quotes about life
11. "When something goes wrong in your life, just yell "Plot Twist" and move on." – Unknown
12. "Come here you big, beautiful cup of coffee and lie to me about how much we’re going to get done today." – Unknown
13. "I hate it when I think I’m buying organic vegetables but when I get home, I discover they’re just regular donuts." – Unknown
14. "If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito."- Unknown
15. "I am not young enough to know everything." – Oscar Wilde
16. "What we feel and think and are is to a great extent determined by the state of our ductless glands and viscera." – Aldous Huxley
17. "When one door closes, another opens. Or you can open the closed door. That’s how doors work." – Unknown
18. "Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else." –Unknown
19. "Nobody really cares if you’re miserable, so you might as well be happy." – Cynthia Nelms
20. "An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true." – Robert Oppenheimer
21. "They say each day is a gift! Well, I want to know where customer service is so I can return this one!!" – Unknown
22. “It's amazing how you can have to worst day ever, but still laugh at yourself when you push a door that says pull. – Unknown
23. "Need money for college. Need college for a job. Need a job for money. Who was the mastermind behind this system?" – Unknown
24. "My attitude in exams. They give me questions I don’t know. I give them answers they don’t know." – Unknown
Funny sarcastic quotes for whenpeople are stressing you out
25. "Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?… He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!” — Billy Connolly
26. "I’m sorry. I was listening until, out of nowhere, I became distracted by this loud, obnoxious noise that turned out to be your voice." – Unknown
27. "Don’t you hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious?" – Unknown
29. "You know what I like about people? Their dogs." – Unknown
30. "I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then walk into a pole.” – Unknown
31. "Repeating quotes from funny movies doesn’t make you funny." –Unknown
32. "Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak." – Steven Wright
33. "Half the world is composed of idiots, the other half of people clever enough to take indecent advantage of them." – Walter Kerr
Unknown
35. "Just keep talking, I yawn when I’m interested." – Unknown
36. "I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life." – Unknown
Funny sarcastic quotes about work
Unknown
38. "Please submit your ideas to me today so I can submit them as my own tomorrow." – Unknown
39. "There’s no better vacation than my boss being on vacation." – Unknown
40. "Sometimes I have my headphones in at work with nothing playing so I don’t have to interact with chatty co-workers." – Unknown
41. "I always tell new hires, ‘Don’t think of me as your boss, think of me as a friend who can fire you.’" – Unknown
Unknown
43. "I don’t always tolerate stupid people. But when I do, I’m probably at work." – Unknown
44. "Here’s to another day of outward smiles and inward screams." –Unknown
45. "I haven’t even gone to bed yet and I already can’t wait to come home from work tomorrow." – Unknown
46. "Don’t mistake my efficiency as meaning I want to do your job, too." –Unknown
Funny sarcastic quotes aboutsarcasm
47. "Sarcasm helps me overcome the harshness of the reality we live, eases the pain of scars and makes people smile." – Mahmoud Darwish
48. "Sarcasm is the secret language that everyone uses when they want to say something mean to your face." – Unknown
49. "Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit! Yet it remains the funniest." – Oscar Wilde
50. "If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you." – Billy Wilder
51. “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde
52. “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.” – Abraham Lincoln
53. “I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.” – Fred Allen
54. “The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.” – Oscar Wilde
55. “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” – George Bernard Shaw
56. “Don't be humble… you're not that great.” – Golda Meir
57. “Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.” – Napoleon Bonaparte
58. “Sarcasm is the protest of the weak.” – John Knowles
59. “He has no enemies, but he is intensely disliked by his friends.” – Oscar Wilde
60. “A sarcastic person has a superiority complex that can be cured only by the honesty of humility.” – Lawrence G. Lovasik
Did you enjoy these sarcastic quotes?
You need to laugh in life. It helps to reduce stress and fight things like anxiety and depression by keeping your mood light.
Everyone has those rough days when maybe your temper gets the best of you or people are pushing your buttons. These are the days when you need to laugh the most.
Your natural inclination might be to hold in your negative or difficult emotions or lash out at others. But those responses are not good for you (or others).
By
Master quote curator and editor on a mission to inspire.
October 27, 2022 2:19 PM EST
Sheri
OMG! Loved these. I’m saving them to read on "those" days when I’d rather strangle someone than talk to them! Thank you.
V Anantharaman
October 23, 2022 at 9:45 AM
Many of your quotes are fantastically funny. Thank you very much. Nice service.
• Sarcastic Birthday Wishes
• Sarcastic Happy Birthday Wishes
• Sarcastic Birthday Wishes for Sister
• Sarcastic Birthday Wishes for Brother
Have you been looking for the best birthday wishes for those people in your life whom you want to wish in some sarcastic way?
Birthdays are the most special times of our life. We wait for an entire year for the day to come. If you are bored with that old kind of birthday wishes then we have all kinds of latest happy birthday wishes for you on this website. Today we come here with sarcastic birthday wishes so that you can pull the leg of your friend and take some fun of him/her.
There birthday wishes that are quite funny that are meant to make the birthday celebrant laugh. While sarcasm has its limits, and can sometimes go over the line, it is a fun thing to share with those closest to you.
With these birthday wishes, you can share the gift of laughter, story-telling, and memory-making. Here are some of the best sarcastic wishes you can send to someone special and add something extra special to their birthday.
Sarcastic Birthday Wishes
• Good job for trying to keep being alive until this day, congratulations on getting older again.
• Hey! It’s your birthday! I love this day because we both get to party hard and live large this one day of the year. Thanks a million for making your big day mine too!
• Young and immature. Those are two words that usually go together- but with you young is gone and immature somehow stayed for a while. Oh well, I guess old and immature works for today. Happy birthday to you, you expired and irresponsible human.
• Happy birthday to my best buddy in the entire universe. May you grow so old that the devil gets frustrated waiting for your arrival!
• I really try my best to like people. But most of them are so stupid I just can’t. Thank God you’re not one of them- happy birthday.
• Calling you an angel would be a lie so let me just hope that you are happy on your birthday!
• I want to congratulate you for being one of the ancient people in this world, that is great!
• Let’s turn this birthday of yours into the official annual Let’s Get Drunk Day. What do you think? Sounds good right? Happy birthday to my new drinking partner.
• Hey! I hear today is the day you were born into this world… great job for staying with us this far. Happy birthday to the only real psychopath I know.
• Some say that age is just a number. I say that’s bullshit. I mean, you’re getting really old. Happy birthday anyway.
• Birthday is the best time to remember that you are slowly getting old. Here’s to you and your gray hairs. Happiest birthday!!
• Oh! So it’s your birthday. Do I have to wish for you? Happy birthday. Happy?
• Good job for trying to keep being alive until this day, congratulations on getting older again.
• I put up with you more than you ever did. You should be lucky to have me in your life. Happy Birthday!
• You are looking happy as you have aged by one more year. But trust me that is not a genuine reason to cheer. Happy Birthday.
• Today is the day you were born into this world, well I am happy for you, hope you are too. Happy Birthday.
• I hope you do not let your old age keep you from doing anything, just kidding, have fun today.
• I am giving you what you have given me everyday, trouble and sarcasm, happy birthday.
• This person is definitely a trouble maker so I have to get ready to clean up your wastes.
• You are now one year old, Don’t think you will become wise. You will keep doing foolish things and keep loosing respect. Happy Birthday
• Well, I am happy to know that you are progressing in at least one phase of life. Happy Birthday.
• Oh! So it’s your birthday. Do I have to wish you? Happy birthday. Happy?
• Please tell me your real age today and that your pet was a dinosaur. Happy birthday, oldie. Enjoy the day to the fullest!
• I wish you receive so many birthday notifications on the day that even your phone expires. Happy birthday, techie. Enjoy with family and stay away from the mobile phone!
• Cheers to you on completing yet another decade of life. Happy birthday!
• Tell me again how old you are? Wasn’t your childhood pet like… a dinosaur? Haha… happy birthday you ancient old, awesome human.
Sarcastic Happy Birthday Wishes
• The only advice I want to give you today is to be less stupid. Happy birthday!
• What?! You’re how old? That’s like almost dead in doggy years…. Here’s hoping you make the most of the few years you have left. Happy birthday.
• May you live long enough after today to eat lots of cake, kiss someone’s ass, and rob a bank so you can go out in style. Happy birthday, you big trouble maker!
• Wishing a big happy birthday to the guy who makes me feel like I finally have a little sister! Happy B-Day, bro.
• I will not make any age-related jokes because I really feel bad about how old you are. Happy Birthday!
• I used to think your birthday was one on the 1st of April. Because it is said that it is celebrated in the memory of Fools. Happy Birthday
• Go to hell, for god’s sake. You are torture for us and God’s Mistake. Happy Birthday
• If there was a list of words to describe you on your birthday this would be it: bad, naughty, less than perfect, helpless, wasted, immature, badass, embarrassingly hilarious… well, you get the point, right? Anyway, happy birthday. I hope that after today I can still put up with you for another year.
• A man who is cheap, A man who is fake. Time has come for him to cut the birthday cake. Happy Birthday
• I will give you a birthday gift. If You return the money you borrowed from me. Happy Birthday
Sarcastic Birthday Wishes for Sister
• Sweet sis, this year to prove that I’m not a bad person, I decided to get a gift which is the exact opposite of how I feel about you.
• Dearest sister, my wish for you this coming year is a committed boyfriend so that you won’t grow old with a questionable reputation.
• The fact that you don’t appreciate me isn’t going to stop me from appreciating you, so I’m taking this time to wish you a happy birthday and many more.
• You’re growing so fat that next year I’m going to hang your cake from the ceiling just to get you to do a few jumping jacks. Wishing you the best, my dearest sis.
• I couldn’t think of a gift to buy you this year because you already have all the best life has to offer – beauty, brains, and a direct blood relationship with me.
Sarcastic Birthday Wishes for Brother
• When I think about the opportunities you’ve caused me to miss, I sometimes get bitter. However, occasions like today remind me of why I care for you so much. Happy birthday, beloved bro.
• You’re the scum of the earth, an a-hole, a true lowdown, dirty vato – but I like that, I like that! Happy birthday, bro.
• I wish you had taken mathematics more seriously back in school because then as you grow old you would be able to count your age. Happy birthday dear brother and my life grant you the success that exceeds your educational level!
• You’ve never bothered to give me a shoutout on my birthday, but life is about treating others as you want to be treated and not how they treat you, so please accept my sincerest birthday greetings, big bro.
• You were more popular in school, yet I’m a more successful adult, but since you’re my brother we must share some of the same talents. Thus my birthday wish is for you is to tap into those submersed attributes and rise out of the mire of mediocrity.
• Best wishes, dear brother. We get along like Cain and Abel, but I’m still appreciative of your life.
We hope up guys love all these Sarcastic Happy Birthday wishes. These Are the best wishes that you can send to your dearest friend. And trust me guys he/she will not get angry, or annoyed because of these birthday wishes. They will enjoy all these unique wishes.
Best Sarcastic Quotes
) If you are cooler than me, does that make me hotter than you?
Unknown
) If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
Groucho Marx
) I'm sorry while you were talking I was trying to figure where the hell you got the idea I cared.
Unknown
) The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
Lily Tomlin
) You know there's just one more thing to do after you crack a joke… Tickle the other person!
Unknown
) I am not young enough to know everything.
Oscar Wilde
Good Sarcastic Quotes
) It is one of the superstitions of the human mind to have imagined that virginity could be a virtue.
Voltaire
) There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.
James Holt McGavran
) Don't be humble… you're not that great.
Golda Meir
) Love is in the air. Do not breathe.
Unknown
) Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.
Albert Einstein
) Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas.
Johnny Carson
) You're not that lucky, and I'm not that desperate!
Unknown
) Do not worry about your difficulties in mathematics; I can assure you that mine are all greater.
Albert Einstein
) If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
Lawrence Ferlinghetti
) I have never killed anyone, but I have read some obituary notices with great satisfaction.
Clarence Darrow
) If you wrote down every single thought you ever had, you would get an award for the shortest story ever.
Believe in Sarcasm Books
Sarcastic Quotes About Relationships
) Marry someone who you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Unknown
) Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
Groucho Marx
) True bonding is when you and your friends are all angry about the same thing.
Unknown
) I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't.
Patrick Murray
) If you want to change the world, do it while you're single. Once you're married, you can't even change the TV Channel.
Unknown
) As a man in a relationship, you have a choice: you can be right, or you can be happy.
Ralphie May
) Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her, or she'll take it anyway.
Joey Adams
Sarcastic Quotes on Boyfriends and Girlfriends
) 81% of boys have girlfriends, rest 19% have a brain.
Unknown
) Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
Groucho Marx
) Why would someone who has an average life expectancy of 75 years, get married when he is 29?
Unknown
) Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
Erma Bombeck
) My girlfriend is so good at playing hide and seek. I haven't found her yet.
Unknown
) Marriage is a romance in which the heroine dies in the first chapter.
Cecilia Egan
Sarcastic Quotes on Life
) I find television very educational. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
Groucho Marx
) I thought I had seen the pinnacle of stupid. Then I met you.
Unknown
) Seeing a murder on television can help work off one's antagonisms. And if you haven't any antagonisms, the commercials will give you some.
Alfred Hitchcock
) Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.
Steven Wright
) Revenge is beneath me. Accidents, however, will happen.
Unknown
) Love when you're ready, not when you're lonely.
Unknown
) If at first, you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Steven Wright
) If it looks like I give a damn, please tell me. I don't want to give off the wrong impression.
Standard Booklets
) If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.
Unknown
) We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
Henny Youngman
) A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.
Joey Adams
Sarcasm 101: SNL Vintage Video
) If I had just one hour left to live, I'd spend it in Math class…it never ends.
Unknown
) Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for the people.
Oscar Wilde
) Behind every successful person, there's a lot of unsuccessful years.
Unknown
) The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby.
Natalie Wood
) Life is like a roller coaster, and I'm about to throw up.
Unknown
) Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.
Robin Williams
) History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.
Abba Eban
Sarcastic Love And Hate Quotes
) I think I’m a love triangle. I love myself. Myself loves me. Me loves I.
Unknown
) Every time I look at you, I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.
Oscar Levant
) You can be whatever you want; however, in your case, you should probably aim low.
Unknown
) If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?
Charlie Pierce
) The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.
George Bernard Shaw
) Everyone has the right to be stupid. But you're abusing the privilege.
Unknown
) I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning, I will be sober, and you will still be ugly.
Sir Winston Churchill
) I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here.
Stephen Bishop
) Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.
Joan Crawford
) You look good when your eyes are closed, but you look the best when my eyes are closed.
Standard Booklets
) He has no enemies, but he is intensely disliked by his friends.
Oscar Wilde
) WAIT…I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
Unknown
) Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.
Ashleigh Brilliant
) Thank you for leaving my side when I was alone… I realized I can do so much without you.
Standard Booklets
) If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.
George Carlin
) I love you more than I originally planned to.
Unknown
) You can't face the problem if the problem is your face.
PewDiePie
Funny Sarcastic Quotes
) Just because the voices only talk to me doesn't mean you should get all jealous. You're just a little too crazy for their taste.
Standard Booklets
) A pessimist is a man who has been compelled to live with an optimist.
Elbert Hubbard
) He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.
Forrest Tucker
) See this hand? It's going to descend in an arc that will, in the process, have contact with your face. Just warning you.
Unknown
) Marry me, and I'll never look at another horse!
Groucho Marx
) You are so lucky to have me.
Unknown
) I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
A. Whitney Brown
) Tell me… Is being stupid a profession, or are you just gifted?
Unknown
) It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level, I'm really quite busy.
Unknown
) Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.
Drew Carrey
Heavy Sarcasm
) You can be whatever you want; however, in your case, you should probably aim low.
Unknown
) I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.
Sam Kinison
) An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.
Sir Winston Churchill
) Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.
Mark Twain
) I never forget a face, but in your case, I'll be glad to make an exception.
Groucho Marx
) I'd tell you to go to hell, but I work there and don't want to see your ugly mug every day.
Believe in Sarcasm Books
) Don't worry about hurting my feelings because I guarantee you not one bit of my self-esteem is tied up in your acceptance.
Unknown
Short Sarcastic Quotes
) My boss told me to have a good day so I went home.
Unknown
) My life feels like a test I didn't study for.
Unknown
) If only closed minds came with closed mouths.
Unknown
) Sorry for the awful but accurate things I said about you.
Unknown
) Are you always stupid or is today a special occasion?
Unknown
) Don’t piss me off! I’m running out of places to hide the bodies.
Unknown
) The first few weeks of Weight Watchers, you're just finding your feet.
Unknown
) My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then, we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
) When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
Unknown
) It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.
Unknown
) The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they always take things literally.
Unknown
) I failed math so many times in school I can't even count.
Unknown
) Does my wife think I’m a control freak? I haven’t decided yet.
Stewart Francis
) A perfectionist walked into a bar… apparently, the bar wasn't set high enough.
Unknown
) The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
Unknown
) Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Unknown
) I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.
) If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.
Unknown
) If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.
Unknown
) Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
Unknown
) Well, aren't you just a little ray of pitch blackness?
Unknown
) I'm returning your nose. I found it in my business.
Unknown
) Feed your own ego, I'm busy.
Unknown
Really Funny Sarcastic Quotes
) If only closed minds came with closed mouths.
Unknown
) I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She hugged me.
Unknown
) Zombies eat brains. You're safe.
Unknown
) Me? Sarcastic? Never?
Unknown
) Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.
Unknown
) Sarcasm: the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.
Unknown
) I want you to know someone cares. Not me. But, someone cares.
Unknown
) You're deeply offended by the things I say? Imagine all the stuff I hold back.
Unknown
What is Sarcasm?
A.) My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
B.) Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
C.) You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
D.) Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
E.) Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.
How To Use These Sarcastic Quotes
All these sarcastic quotes can help you in many different ways. For instance, the quotes on life will help you to understand the difficulties of life and laugh while understanding them.
How to Respond to Sarcasm
• Ignore it. If the humor didn't go over big, don't feed the fire.
• Smile and acknowledge the humor. You might win a friend in the process.
• Walk away. End the argument before it starts.
You be the judge. You'll know the situation, the context, and the parties involved (usually). So, you'll be in the best position to decide on the appropriate response.
By Liz Olson
Liz is a writer based in Minneapolis, Minnesota.
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