If only all family dynamics for Father's Day were as simple and straightforward as the prose in store-bought greeting cards portrays them to be. Here's an example from one card.
Dear Dad,
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For being there every day,
For holding my hand and drying my tears,
For listening to my words and sharing your wisdom,
For always letting me know you had my back and my heart,
Today I sing your praises for having always sung mine.
I love you with all my heart. I’m so glad you’re my one, my only, my Dad.
Happy Father’s Day!
It reads like the perfect card that one of the kids on an old TV sitcom would send to dear old dad, since family life on TV was always played out as uncomplicated.
Today's reality is that one out of three children in the United States will no longer be living with their biological father before they reach the age of 18. Ninety-four percent of those children will be living with their biological mother and a stepfather. (PSC Research Report, 2001)
For those children (like me) growing up with a much-loved stepdad, Father’s Day can cause the biological parents, stepparents, and children to have feelings ranging from joy, disloyalty, envy, and even sadness. For the children, they can feel that by spending the day with one dad, they're ignoring or making the other father sad. But it shouldn't feel that way, and it doesn’t ever have to!
With preplanning and determination among the adults to put aside any differences (if there are any) for the benefit of the children, Father’s Day can strengthen the children’s bonds with both their stepfather and their biological father.
I wish there were a manners fairy to wave her wand, say a few gracious words, and make the day magical in every way. In reality, every family situation is unique, and there's no one set of words that will fit every family. With that said, here are seven simple things you can do that will help make the day a little more like the Hallmark® moment we wish for everyone we love.
Father's Day Etiquette for Blended Families —The Top 7 Tips
1.) Don’t be afraid of the word stepparent. It’s gotten a bad rap from children’s fairy tales, but in reality, it’s a compliment. It means you’ve “stepped” into the role of a parent in the life of a child you love and that you're only one step removed from the role of the biological father of the child.
2.) If a child is close to both her dad and stepdad, she should be encouraged to buy or make a gift or a card for both. It’s vital for a child not to feel as if she must choose sides between a birth parent and a stepparent.
3.) Even if the child’s biological father left, doesn’t show up much, and rarely pays his child support, don’t let that stop the child from expressing his love for his dad if he shows an inclination to do so. DNA tugs hard at the heart. To tell a child that “Daddy’s not good” is distressing for the child who isn't at an age to understand the complexities of adult relationships and the proper responsibilities of a father. Show the other parent respect when speaking of him to your child(ren). In this case, not because he’s a dream dad, but because he’s your child’s other parent.
4.) If your child knows you’re angry with Daddy, she is probably hesitant to bring up the subject of contacting him. You should lead the conversation by saying something like, “You know your Dad and I don’t always get along, and sometimes I’m angry with him. But that’s between your Dad and me. I know Father’s Day is soon. Would you like to (send a card, call him, see him, or so on)?”
5.) Father’s Day can be threatening for the dad who is not living with his children. If you are a father in this position, understand that your children will always love you as long as you keep a relationship with them.
You don’t need to be jealous of the stepparent or feel that your children's relationship with him is a betrayal of your special relationship. Every relationship is its own wellspring. Your children can dip fully from another well without losing their thirst for you.
6.) If you’re a stepdad who lives full- or part-time with a stepchild, and you’ve been hesitant to develop a relationship, don’t be. You’re a pivotal part of that child’s life, and the child needs to know that you’re there for them, and not just because you were attracted to mom. Without a relationship with you, the child can easily grow up feeling like a third wheel.
7.) When possible and safe, the children should be able to spend the day (or one near the date) with their biological father. The biological parents should make plans for how the parent and child will celebrate, including the location, activity, and the number of hours in the case of non-shared custody.
It's too much responsibility to place on children or teens, although they can and should be told about the plans and allowed to share their opinions. If the children are closer to one parent (step or biological) than the other, they can celebrate on a particular day with one parent and a different day with the other, or another similar arrangement. Father's Day shouldn't be limited to a 24-hour period. It's fine to spread it out!
Let Love Lead the Way
My stepfather of 27 years died several years ago. He was always there for me. He understood me. He encouraged me. I loved him. I admired him. I miss him. He was in every way a wonderful father to me. I introduced him to my friends as “my Dad.” And by doing so, I meant no disrespect to my biological father. I will always love, adore, and miss my stepfather.
I also love my biological father very much. We had a limited relationship while I was growing up, and I’ve been thinking about how little I have been able to share with him. He and my mother divorced when I was in second grade, plus he wasn’t around much several years before then.
When I was celebrating my birthday two weeks ago, I sadly realized I have no memory of ever sharing a piece of birthday cake with my Dad. I’ve decided I need to change this. I invited my Dad to spend Father’s Day with me, my husband, and children. I’m going to make a cake and eat a piece with him. It’s never too late to make a special memory.
I wish us all a joyous day of remembering and celebrating the best of everything about the special dads in our lives!
Blessings,
About Maralee McKee
Maralee McKee is dedicated to helping you become the person you most want to be and to live a confident, kind, and generous life. She is a contemporary etiquette, manners, and people skill expert, and the founder of the prestigious Etiquette School of America. Her etiquette skills blog is the most read in the United States. Maralee presents business etiquette seminars to corporations world wide, coaches individuals one-on-one virtually and in-person, and offers monthly online mentoring for people who want to win at work, succeed socially, and love who they are and how they present themselves to the world. Her book on how moms can teach their children to become the best version of themselves (Harvest House Publishing) earned the prestigious Mom’s Choice Gold Award for excellence in parenting books. Maralee is a former TV and radio host, and has been quoted in the media hundreds of times.
Being a mom is one of the toughest jobs in the world, one that comes with a responsibility like no other job, one that has no fixed timings, and probably one which has no retirement.
If you are a single mom, the responsibilities just get doubled up. Managing, home, kids, and the finances all alone needs grit and determination. If you are one of them who is managing all this with elan, hats off to you! You already know what you are worth and how priceless you are, but we want to let you know it just once more. Here is a compilation of some of the best quotes for single moms, all dedicated to you. Read on!
Top 50 Single Mom Quotes That Celebrate How Special You Are:
Here are some of the most beautiful, inspiring, tough, amazing and positive single mother quotes that show how special you are as a woman and a mom:
It’s true that parenting is a journey that goes smooth with two parents, but when you take up the challenge alone, you take on double the duty, and show double the strength. Your child will always see the effort and hard work you put in, so each moment, you are amazing for your little one.
Of course, the role of a father is important, but as a mother who takes it on herself to play both mother and father, you are the most adorable person for your child.
While you work twice as hard to give your child all the love and care and everything else that you possibly can, it’s truly a lot of work. But at the end of the day, the reward is double the amount of love from your children, meant for both you and their father.
You work hard all day for your children, but sometimes, you need to take a break and take a breather yourself. It is fine to sit down and relax, and sometimes let yourself go easy.
Gone are the days when you would sit and wait for your knight in shining armor. Be brave, be independent and believe that you can do it, and you can do a better job.
Life is all about making mistakes and learning. It is also about the happy and perfect moments and the imperfect ones too. Your children will see the effort you put in, they will see you do great and they will also see you fail at times. That is how they will learn that life is a mix of the perfect and the failures.
The harsh reality is that your ‘little ones’ will one day grow up into independent individuals and leave you. Wish them love and make them ready to face the world on their own. But always be there for them.
Life is not about always being spic and span and perfect. It is also the imperfections of life that give it color and character. Be happy and content in life, and that is how your children will feel and see the love, and know what efforts you are putting in for them.
It may be a male dominated world, where your children are recognized by their father’s name. But when it is you who is putting in all the efforts and being the only parent, it is your name you should introduce them with, not of a person who is not there for them.
Appreciate yourself and give yourself credit for the way you are bringing up your children. Instead of wondering what could have happened if the father was there, realize how amazing your children have turned out to be and give yourself a pat on the back.
The anger and hurt you have within will only help you become stronger and more caring and protective towards your children.
Of all the things that you do, make sure you choose your relationship with care. Your children will learn everything they see you do, so make the right choices when it comes to the people in your life, and set the limits high for your kids, for their future relationships.
While it may sound difficult, make sure your children are your first priority. Whether or not the father chooses to be around is his choice, and if he cannot spend time with them, it is his loss. Remember that your children have you and that is more than enough.
While being a single mother is no doubt tough, it also helps to create one of the strongest bonds in the world. Of course you will have your highs and lows, but all of it will only make your relationship with your children stronger.
You are never ‘just’ a mom. You are everything your child can need in life, and more.
Working and being a single mom can often make you feel guilty, but remember you are teaching your children a very important life lesson. To achieve anything in life, you have to work hard for it.
There are times you may feel that nothing is going right and you are not being your best. Just take a look at the way you have brought up your children and you will see what an amazing job you have done.
Being a mom is a full-time responsibility in itself, but it takes someone with grit and a much stronger attitude to be both the mom and the dad.
Mom, if you are a single mom, you are already a superwoman!
Single mom or not, remember that you are the best and you are doing the best.
Just because you do not have a man in your life does not mean you are alone. Share in your life’s joys and happiness with your children and never feel lonely.
Never feel that you are not good enough for a man just because you have kids. As a single mother, you can do almost anything on your own, while being a caring and a loving person, so make sure you make him realize that too.
Yes, be proud of your super power.
People may think there is something different about the relationship you share with your child, just because you are a single parent.
Appreciate what you have in life, such as your children and your career. Whatever you do not have are things that you can actually do without.
At the end of the day, it’s the bond you share with your child that matters, and you mommy know just how to do that.
Stop beating up yourself to do more, you are already doing your best and that is all that matters.
Even if you feel you are not being perfect, for your child you are nothing but the best. So relax and enjoy the bond you have created.
Once you are open to dating, remember to make your kids the priority. Whoever you date will also be a part of your family and a part of your children’s life, so choose wisely.
You lady are one courageous one, with the heart and the strength of two parents instead of one. So be proud of yourself and know that you are not single, you are fulfilling two roles and not just one.
As one who does everything for her children on her own, you are the woman with grit and determination, and a heart that is forever filled with love and care.
There is no single term that can describe a single mother, for you are all the roles your child needs but rolled in one.
Be proud and happy that you have your children in your life, instead of just feeling bad about not having their father in your life.
Though it is difficult, take all your pains and the difficult times to learn and make you stronger. Each obstacle you overcome will prove how strong and determined you are.
Yes mom, you are the mother and you are the father and you are everything your child needs. So happy father’s day to you!
A single mother needs a heart of steel, even if it is full of love and care. So yes, you are one who is strong, not just one who is struggling.
There are many that will be jealous of your independence and your strength, but when someone compliments you on what a wonderful job you are doing, accept it with an open heart. You truly deserve all the appreciation, so take it with the best of smiles.
Thinking about what went wrong or what could have happened will only make you lose out on precious time and turn your positive strength to negativity. Work with what you have and make the best out of it.
Mom, you have a never ending to-do list. But make time for your children and for you to relax and enjoy the moments. You can always do the housework and other chores later, but you can never bring back the moments that your children spend while growing up. So enjoy it all and be there.
As a mom you always have your child’s best interests in mind, and are often worried whether or not you are doing your best. The simple fact that you are always worried about them is proof enough that your children are always on top of your mind and you are a great mom.
Your kids give you all the joy in the world, set you to challenges that you want to fight and win just to prove them that you can, and that together as a team you can too. They truly complement you as a woman and make you whole.
Always remember that by being a single mother, you have chosen to live a life that is first dedicated to your children and then to you. You could have had it easy too, but you decided to be there for your children, so be proud of it.
To make sure that your children are happy, you have the responsibility of being happy. That is what your children will learn from you when they see what a happy and positive person their mother is.
Everyone faces struggles in their life, but how you react to it and how you come out of it is what makes the difference. Your fighting spirit is what keeps you grounded and strong, so play it.
You know that as a single mom, you are everything to your children. So instead of wondering what went wrong and feeling pity, tell yourself that you have it in you to stand up on your own and face the world. And you truly can.
Pride yourself in being a single, independent woman and a single mother who can take care of her life, her children, her career and her entire home on her own. Once you decide to date someone, remember to make sure that the person knows what a strong woman you are.
It takes a lot of heart and will to be a single parent, so be proud of yourself.
What you can do, no one else can, not even the father of your children, which is the reason he is not around.
It is alright to slip up a few times in life, make those mistakes and move on. What matters the most is that you love your children and you care for them.
The fact that your children’s father left has nothing to do with you. It is his loss, not yours. The truth is, you can make your life perfect without him being in it.
Love yourself, be proud of yourself, and face each day with that awesome smile and determination that you have.